A year has come and gone since my last entry. What a different place I was in then, emotionally-mentally. I've been medication free for over a year now, and that is a wonderful feeling. I continue to handle my anxiety (which is ever-present) by working out hard 4-5 days a week and doing things I enjoy. I'm down 20 lbs over the past year, and have maintained my current weight for the past 4 months (pretty awesome). I have not had a 'full-blown' panic attack over the past year. Maybe because I know what they feel like now, and I address it immediately. It may sound crazy, but I feel more susceptible to panic attacks on an empty stomach, so I try to snack often and it helps!!
Well that being said, it may all change now because...
I'm pregnant!
This has come as somewhat as a surprise, as we weren't going to really start trying until this fall. I got off my birth control last fall, and have been on prenatal vitamins since then. Prenatal vitamins by the way, gross. I've puked so many times from them, most people say it's due to the high Iron content. I guess it's been preparing me to practice upchucking my food, so yay.
By the time I've posted this, everyone else will know who is close to me. I felt such a strong need to start blogging this AMAZING gift from God, as I transition into motherhood. Let me tell ya, finding my password and email address was pretty difficult!
Anywho back to the pregnancy thing. Today, 4/26, and my period is five days late. It has not every fluctuated this much, plus we, uh, *ya know* close to my ovulation day. I didn't think anything of it, but when I noticed absence of a period along with some minor cramps I got a little NERVOUS. I took a test yesterday and it took FOREVER to work, and BAM negative... Hm. So basically, if I start my period here in the next couple days no one will see this post. At least, not the pregnancy part.
If I am pregnant, wowee, what a journey this will be. I spend all day everyday with children, so I know I'll handle that part okay. It's more the...not sleeping, gaining weight, labor, money thing that bothers me. Speaking of labor. Tyler and I decided awhile ago that we'd go with a home birth. All my friends/family think I'm crazy, but I know I can do this. What an empowering opportunity, and I refuse (as much as I can) to be drugged in any way. So, we'll see how that goes...
I haven't gotten much sleep over the past three days. It's all due to NOT KNOWING for sure if I am pregnant. For a planner, this part is difficult, hence the blog. I'll keep trying to write a post when I can, then when everyone knows, I'll post them all :)
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